A Week

Just 7 more days until my first born goes off to school. I literally have been dreading this day since his birth.

I'm a sea of emotions. Rather, I'm more of a roller coaster. And I have been for about a month now. Actually, if I'm being completely honest, it's more like a year. My husband couldn't even say the word "kindergarten" without me bursting into tears. Now my condition is worsening as the weeks fly by and time ticks away. I'll pass the pile of school supplies and a strange lump will form in my throat. Or I'll see James' new school shirts and my stomach will start to ache.

I'm trying to put on a brave face and pump up the idea of school, but deep down, I am in constant battle with myself(s).

The Angry Me: People say to me "aren't you so glad James will be out of the house soon? Think how much easier life will be with just the two at home." Well, I happen to be quite happy with my life the way it is, thank you very much. I don't want things to change. I want them to stay the exact way they are. How dare the system take my baby away from me!

The Overly Dramatic Me: He's going to forget all about me! First kindergarten, then years and years of schooling until he moves out and I never see him again. Things are never going to be the same! Plus, who's this teacher person who is suddenly going to decide she knows my son better than I do? And no kid better even think about picking on my baby!

The Sad Me: How did these 5 yrs go by so fast? My little boy is going off into the cruel world, and I can't be there to protect him or watch him change and grow anymore. What is my day going to be like with out my Bug around? Dressing up like a pirate and wanting me to build him a fort. Playing cars for endless hours with his brother while they both make up crashing games and have police chases. Asking me 9 million questions because that sharp little mind of his never stops working. What about all that, huh?

The Excited Me: There is a tiny part of me that sometimes shows up. Usually when I'm at my lowest. A voice takes over reminding me that James is going to love school! He's so ready for it, and he's looking forward to going. Who am I to be so selfish and want to keep him from all the amazing things he is going to learn/do from this point on?

Well, I'm his Mom. And I want him home with me! And I don't care if you think I'm selfish, or crazy, or whatever. That's how it is, and I plan to always be this way. :)